So it's been a while since I last posted. A lot has happened in some ways, and not much in others! (Not meaning to be cryptic). I have definitely accepted what has happened now. It's funny because I spent ages trying to work out how i reached a decision (even though I already had, maybe I was looking for acceptance?) and then eventually I just started going through the motions, going out with friends, usual day-to-day stuff.....and then it just started to slowly happen. I can't pinpoint the exact moment or time it happened, and there certainly wasn't a Eureka moment. I guess the passage of time just did its thing.
Thats not to say that I don't still pine for what we had sometimes, and I do still worry about what is in store for the future. But overall I have just got used to my new living.
To bring you quickly up to speed several things happened. We spoke on xmas (v emotional but nice) and I made the decision to move out and in with a friend (moving in date 3 weeks time - yikes!) A big big step for me as I haven't moved out of home before - but even though I am breaking several of my own rules (no renting, moving in with a friend) and there are lots of things to worry about (i.e. being skint broke, potentially being homeless in august, cutting the apron strings once and for all) i'm actually looking forward to it. I know, weird right?
I have several friends who I can meet up with and have done pretty regularly, as well as going on a big group ski trip next friday. There has been a potential person but after a v brief dalliance he decided i didnt know what I want (probably quite an accurate assessment) so back to friends we go.
In other world news I have booked a ticket to a festival in Spain in July with a girlfriend after we both decided to make our new years resolution 'Be awesome' - so sunnier climes will soon be calling! Also my sister is getting married and my step brother has moved back home after his fiance called off their relationship.
So all change where we are! I guess thats just how it works. I hate change, probably always will and Im always very nervous and resistant to do anything unless I have the option of 'going back' but I am beginning to see that the world will never remain still and problems start to occur when you refuse to change with it.
Work is going well, recently got a payrise and starting to get into the swing of it a lot more. I have a gorgeous new car which I enjoy getting into each day so I guess you could say life is going alright.
I do regret what I had to do at times, and I still don't sleep very well. I have my days of getting teary and upset and I am currently waiting for some counseling - although whereas before i wanted help in coming to terms with my decision I think now I just want to know why i did what i did and why i feel how i feel now. A bit of objectivity never hurt anyone so I think it could be a real insight.
Anyway - I write this as I wolf down a sandwich at work so I will get back to the hard work. I will try and remember to update this a bit more regularly now..but then I might be having too much fun! x
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